Do My Laundry
by grammarslash
Summary: Parody of 'Light My Candle' brought on by renaming a friend 'Starch'. That's scary enough for me. AU considering Mimi is now chunky. And also works in a laundromat. Yes. I went there. Minor slash refrences.


**Title:** Do My Laundry  
**Rating: **PG-13  
**Summary:** Parody of 'Light My Candle'. It's positively riddled with inside jokes, just so you know. I'm not sure what has posessed me to post this. It's probably boredom. 

Bad taste, bad taste, react as you must. Reviews and flames alike welcomed.

* * *

Do My Laundry

(_Almost-love scene. Mark turns and Roger snatches keys from his back pocket. Mark leaves and Roger waits patiently._)

Mimi: (_knocks thrice_)

Roger: (_mock sighs_)

What'd you forget?

Mimi: (_is coy and strangely fat_)

Got some tide?

Roger: (_is a struggling artist and recoils in disgust and fear_)

I know you, you're – you're revolting

Mimi: (_shrugs_)

It's nothing, I need detergent

But I thought that it wasn't urgent

Would you do my laundry?

What are you staring at?

Roger: Nothing, your grime in the moonlight

You look unworthy

(_hands her his shirt_)

Can you take it?

Mimi: (_looks dubious_)

Just haven't cleaned much today

But now I've work to do anyway - what?

Roger: Nothing. Your style reminded me of-

Mimi: I always remind people of – who is she?

Roger: She's fired, her name Starch

Mimi: Wow, I'm parched! Sorry 'bout your Lark

Would you do my laundry?

Roger: (_is slightly annoyed_)

Well?

Mimi: (_is trying to be seductive_)

Yeah? OUCH!

Roger: (_hides glee_)

Oh the soap! It's-

Mimi: -painted, not tainted. I like it between my-

Roger: (_is insanely fearful_)

–toes! I supposed! Oh well, good night.

Mimi: (_walks away with hip sashaying and knocks thrice again_)

Roger: (_is seriously aggravated_)

You ran out again?

Mimi: No, I think that I dropped my keys

Roger: I know I've seen you out and about, when I used to go out

(_looks pointedly at soap_)

Your soap is out

Mimi: (_is totally frustrated_)

Ugh, I'm willin' to pay to get those damnéd keys back.

My car is black, plus the fact is phat

Roger: Fat?

Mimi: (_is on hands and knees "searching for keys"_)

They say that I have the best ass below fourteenth street

Is it true?

Roger: (_'s mouth is agape with frank shock_)

What?

Mimi: (_is pleased_)

You're staring again

Roger: (_is flustered and trying to be nice_)

Oh no, I mean you do have a nice, I mean-

(_remembers himself_)

You look so dirty

Mimi: Like your ex-employee

Roger: Only when you crawl

But I think I saw you once last fall

Mimi: Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club

That's where I work, I dance

Now help me look!

Roger: (_is shuddering_)

Yes, they used to tie you up

Mimi: (_is less indignant than she should be_)

It's a living

Roger: (_is mocking_)

I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs

Mimi: (_reverts back to old ways_)

We could do the laundry

Oh won't you do the laundry?

Roger: (_refers to car and overweight!Mimi_)

Why don't you forget that plot?

I think that you should walk

Mimi: (_looks squarely at non-existant Roger!flub_)

You're one to talk!

My P.O.E.s (Place of Employment) too damn far

I really need that car

Roger: I once owned a Corvette. I used to have thighs like that

Mimi: (_is more indignant about weight than stripping_)

I figured that's what you'd say

Roger: I used to sweat

Mimi: I got a cold!

Roger: (_is now completely righteous_)

Uh huh, I doubt for flab

Mimi: They like a little cushion

Roger: Uh huh

Mimi: For the pushin'

Roger: (_is hopeful_)

Oh here it-

Mimi: (_is equally hopeful_)

What's that?

Roger: (_is Stef (i.e. emo and has hair in his left eye)_)

It's a candy-bar wrapper

Mimi: We could do the laundry

Oh please let's do the laundry!

Roger: That was my last cup

Mimi: I'll have to adjust, thank God for the moon

Roger: What the hell are you saying? I thought that you came here for soap

Mimi: Bah hum bug, bah humbug

Stubby hands

Roger: (_glares_)

Yours too

Mimi: Big… like my father's

Do you wanna dance?

Roger: (_is WTFing_)

With you?

Mimi: (_scoffs and twirls_)

No, with my father

Roger: (_would prefer that alternative_)

I'm gay

Mimi: No effing way

(_snags Mark's keys from the beginning of the scene_)

No one who wears plaid so happily can be gay

Roger: (_'dot-dot-dot's_)

Mimi: (_walks out_)

Roger: (_continues to wait patiently for his (boy toy) roommate's return_)

Mark: (_returns and squeals_)

You wore the clothes I asked you to? You're so sweet! And blatantly gay.

Roger and Mark: (_have hot, rampant man-sex_)

Scene: (_ends_)


End file.
